Dear Berkeley,

As the years progress, I've realized that you are not my favorite part of California. I've talked myself into loving you for far too long, and it wasn't until this past weekend, when I discovered where my love really lies. In fact, I'm not even sure we can be friends. The truth is that you just don't look like this:

Or this, this, and especially this.

Furthermore, I am blatantly using you. I am reaping the benefits of a fantastic education for our 4 short years and then I will leave you behind. I'm already thinking about law school far away from you, however much it costs me. I used to hear about the quality of your people, the superiority of NorCal kids versus SoCal kids. But it turns out that I like my SoCal friends a lot more than my NorCal friends. They have yet to create multiple stab wounds in the center of my back. Perhaps it's the weather.

Lastly, I am happier here, I think. I can have adventures in a forgiving ocean, with a warm beach and an over-sized hat. No more staring out my window, waiting for something to pick me up and make things better. Even the unpleasant things have a vibrancy that cannot be matched by pouring rain and gray skies.

In conclusion, Berkeley, I will deal with you cordially until we are done. Maybe you can redeem yourself in the next half of this saga, maybe not. I wish you all the best.

xoxo